Living with uncertainty but holding ambiguity
For a few weeks, I had wondered what God meant when He gave me the scripture from Ezekiel 36:26 to a question I had been asking Him for a long time.
It didn't answer my core question- but rather- it pulled the attention from my main question to say- that the Lord is the one responsible to doing the work He promised me He would do, which is to change Case.
Last night- and this morning were very long hours- and something changed this morning-
I went on Chat GPT.. sometimes it gives me logical answers aligned with my faith, and today it gave me an answer I could accept. (not all the time, but sometimes, so I use it with discernment)
instead of asking the Lord, why did you give me the scripture from Ezekiel 36, instead I posed this question to Chat GPT-
what is the Lord trying to create in me, when He would not give me a direct yes or no answer?
For me, I have had the longest time and difficulty living with uncertainty, and had difficulty holding ambiguity because it activates my long standing nervous system and anxiety spikes.
Chat GPT gave me a number of reasons, and I read through them:
1) to develop emotional steadiness without external reassurance builds deep stability
2) release control- letting go of control is painful but freeing.
3) Dignity in Love :
not chasing for answers, remaining steady, holding my emotions. A muscle that I am learning to build.
4) Tolerance for Ambiguity
- Marriage is full of unknowns. I think for me, because I am planner by personality, I like to have my ducks arranged properly in a straight row.
5) Identity not anchored in outcome:
These qualities would strengthen anyone in any relationship.
So instead of thinking, “Why won’t God answer me?”
It may be,“He’s building capacity in me that a yes/no could never build.”
That’s formation. Formation lasts longer than answers.
Even without resolution, that would make me become:
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