Victim approach?
On Monday, I called up JY, and told her what and how I felt of what happened at PD. Naturally, IC was with her. I'm not sure how she took it, but she took the victim approach, stating that there was no one to blame, and she was drunk, and it was all a total misunderstanding, adding as well that I shouldn't have taken it so seriously.
What do I say to that? First, I'm glad I told her how I felt. Its been something on my mind all this while, and it's a relief to get it off my chest.
I definitely don't really know how she'll take it. BUT, for one thing, someone has got to tell that girl, or else she'll never know. I know lots of people, who have terrible tantrums, or think that others are trying to challenge them, when I bring up an issue. Among which are lots of people taht I know, even in my own family, and my current circle of friends. I think they'll know themselves best. without my having to mention it at all... :-)
Some sulk for days, saying that I'm bias or being unfair, etc, etc. Well, no one would bring up a criticism, if they even would think of it. Most of the time, most of us don't dare to bring up or tell someone we know, what we think is not right, for fear of creating trouble. True?
What about me? Of course, this is all talk. I'm not perfect myself. I have trouble doing that. But I'd just like to point this out to whoever who happens to read this entry what it is I'm trying to highlight.
OF COURSE, the question comes again,
WHAT IS IT THAT YOU ARE PRETENDING NOT TO KNOW?
Why are you pretending that it doesn't exist?
Basically, there are two ways one can go about it.
1) I can choose to not tell the person that I know the latter has a problem, and pretend that it doesn't exist, so we can both go and live our happy quiet lives, in harmony and without quarrel. Basically, I'd be Selfish. Selfish you say? Why would I not want someone to know he has a bad habit?
As it is, I'd be because I know that if the person change, it'd be a threat to me, either in terms of socially, or maybe it'll affect my popularity or vice versa. True?
2) I can care enough to tell the person what I think. It doesn't matter if the person likes it or not, but the most important thing is that, I as a friend had and have done my part. If the person cant take the truth, that is totally their own business. Of course, I'd have to be discerning enough to know the right circumstances to bring up the subject that I have in mind.
Basically, the Final Decision is left to me and what kind of experiences that I want to create for myself.
Think about that.
************************************************************************************
Yesterday, I spoke to my ex-bf online. I know that I've broken up with him, and I know his character well enough. Anyway, I know that he isn't exactly the caring kind of person who would give you his kind attention, or does somethng caring for a girl, if he wasn't interested in her. Well, that's him. as another friend of ours had pointed out as well....(which is another girl he chased at one time as well..;-)
I told him that I felt that we haven't had a proper conversation in a while. Technically, I don't really know what his reaction/response was. Well, he already has a gf now. Ha ha. Which is his own business. But really, guys being guys, they're always and will get arrogant if their ex-gf approach them. I'd think he'd be thinking like that. Lolz.
Anyway, he said that he was insulted that I told him such, and gave me the reason being that he was busy with work mostly. Ha ha ha...but left out the part of the new gf. ;-) Ha ha ha.....Anyway, not to say that I didn't try. But guys WILL be guys. LoLz. I still haven't got an answer besides the "I'm Busy" reason. We'll see.....
What do I say to that? First, I'm glad I told her how I felt. Its been something on my mind all this while, and it's a relief to get it off my chest.
I definitely don't really know how she'll take it. BUT, for one thing, someone has got to tell that girl, or else she'll never know. I know lots of people, who have terrible tantrums, or think that others are trying to challenge them, when I bring up an issue. Among which are lots of people taht I know, even in my own family, and my current circle of friends. I think they'll know themselves best. without my having to mention it at all... :-)
Some sulk for days, saying that I'm bias or being unfair, etc, etc. Well, no one would bring up a criticism, if they even would think of it. Most of the time, most of us don't dare to bring up or tell someone we know, what we think is not right, for fear of creating trouble. True?
What about me? Of course, this is all talk. I'm not perfect myself. I have trouble doing that. But I'd just like to point this out to whoever who happens to read this entry what it is I'm trying to highlight.
OF COURSE, the question comes again,
WHAT IS IT THAT YOU ARE PRETENDING NOT TO KNOW?
Why are you pretending that it doesn't exist?
Basically, there are two ways one can go about it.
1) I can choose to not tell the person that I know the latter has a problem, and pretend that it doesn't exist, so we can both go and live our happy quiet lives, in harmony and without quarrel. Basically, I'd be Selfish. Selfish you say? Why would I not want someone to know he has a bad habit?
As it is, I'd be because I know that if the person change, it'd be a threat to me, either in terms of socially, or maybe it'll affect my popularity or vice versa. True?
2) I can care enough to tell the person what I think. It doesn't matter if the person likes it or not, but the most important thing is that, I as a friend had and have done my part. If the person cant take the truth, that is totally their own business. Of course, I'd have to be discerning enough to know the right circumstances to bring up the subject that I have in mind.
Basically, the Final Decision is left to me and what kind of experiences that I want to create for myself.
Think about that.
************************************************************************************
Yesterday, I spoke to my ex-bf online. I know that I've broken up with him, and I know his character well enough. Anyway, I know that he isn't exactly the caring kind of person who would give you his kind attention, or does somethng caring for a girl, if he wasn't interested in her. Well, that's him. as another friend of ours had pointed out as well....(which is another girl he chased at one time as well..;-)
I told him that I felt that we haven't had a proper conversation in a while. Technically, I don't really know what his reaction/response was. Well, he already has a gf now. Ha ha. Which is his own business. But really, guys being guys, they're always and will get arrogant if their ex-gf approach them. I'd think he'd be thinking like that. Lolz.
Anyway, he said that he was insulted that I told him such, and gave me the reason being that he was busy with work mostly. Ha ha ha...but left out the part of the new gf. ;-) Ha ha ha.....Anyway, not to say that I didn't try. But guys WILL be guys. LoLz. I still haven't got an answer besides the "I'm Busy" reason. We'll see.....
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