Early this week, I made an appointment to see the counsellor at the university.
But by the time it was due, I was much better. I was even thinking of skipping it as well, but what the heck! I thought. Since I made the appointment, I might as well go for it.
I told her my perspective on things, and after reflecting on it, she mentioned Erikson's Psychosocial Theories, which I am quite familiar with. She mentioned that the fashion in which I had developed my defence mechanism as a young adult in my early teens probably no longer works for me the way it should have as when I was in my late teens, or early twenties.
I am also aware that this similar trait manifests itself in a very different manner, and each person is affected differently by it. She also mentioned that the way I am developing is also very much normal for many young adults.
The reason I am aware of this change, is due to the conflict that I had been facing recently. Of course, with every desire or need to change for the better, there would also be the risk that I have to face with the change.
To go without my protective armour that I have used for such a long time, that it is practically almost second nature.
I have enough self esteem to know what I want and to go for it. If I do not respect myself, no one else would. The issue of being without my protective armour, and the issue of
my self esteem are two completely different set of issues, and is something that I have to work out.