Monday, November 18, 2013

Personal: Marry in Haste, Repent at Leisure

Its one week before my next birthday. I am getting older. I am turning 34 this coming Sunday. Yes, I am telling you my age.


Looking at my life and my friends now, I realise how lucky I am to be still alive, happy and single.

In the past one year, I have met up with my friends who are now married and with babies. 

First, I have learnt that a man's career is really important. But as a mother would say, if the baby's health is not well, it doesn't matter how much money the father makes cause it cannot guarantee the baby to have good health as that is genetic.

What is more important is the man makes enough to support the family, has good health, with a healthy bouncing baby and healthy upbringing.

Second, never rush to get married. I cannot emphasise this strongly enough. After being the person who has to be the listening ear to so many married female friends in turbulent marriages, this is the first thing I am reminded of.

Take your time to get to know a partner. Take at least two years to get to know their personalities, their preferences, their likes and dislikes. 

Do not, God forbid, tell me you love them after only knowing them for three months.

Age is just a number. You maybe 40. And have three kids. Or 45. It doesnt matter how old you are.

I know a lady friend with two adolescent children on her third marriage. She put her own children first as priority. 

Then she made the guy wait and chase her and do what was needed and necessary. Third time around, she got it right. The man is also divorced, but I could see he was quite mature now being his second marriage this round.

I hope you don't need to get married three times to get it right.

How does the man fight? Does he respect you? Does he throw fits, or give you the silent treatment?

How do you both resolve disagreements? Does your partner throw things when they get upset? That's a No No, and is really disrespectful. 
Do they try to guilt trip you when they don't get their way? That's very manipulative.

Do they threaten you with breakups or divorce? Like seriously, why would they even say that unless they really intend to do that, or they are trying to control you to do their bidding. Like do they have self esteem and controlling issues?

There is no such thing as that guy is my Last Option, or I am getting too old, no one else will want me. I have heard this excuse so many times if I could get a penny each time I heard it, I will be rich by now. 

I have had well meaning friends who keep telling me to find a bloke because I am getting older, and my 'eggs are drying up'.

Like seriously, is your own marriage any better?

If you are in a new relationship, or thinking of starting one, remember to pace yourself. Pick the right one, and find a senior female mentor to help you see through that beginning phase, because the effort you put in is definitely is worth it in the long run.

I also found this interesting post written by a guy on the same title. Have a read. www.didactsreach.blogspot.com/2013/04/marry-in-haste-repent-at-leisure.html

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