Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Put God First.

After reeling from intense readings for my assignment...I finally have time to take a break. My lecturer relented in providing me a 3 day extension for my deadline, which is Monday, the 11th for my assignment. For which, I am truly happy!

I spent the whole day just typing up paperwork for my professional experience for my mentor to look through on Thursday. You know, as a female, and not getting any younger, I have had enough experiences with people to realise when something is not going right. I have in my hand, sufficient instinctive knowledge and understanding to decode and encode signs and body language, which otherwise may not seem comprehensible.

I have enough instincts to decode facial expression, which may have been missed out by others but sufficient enough for me to reflect upon.

If there is one thing I can say, I must probably be the most transparent person ever to go enter the steps of a church. You could read the feelings off my face because I am that transparent. Most of the time anyways.

You'd think that you'd be safe from secrecy at church. But as I have discovered, that is not true at all.

I guess what I am saying is, the right kind of accountability towards the Church and the Body.

The best role model I have had so far is Madeline. There are others of course, but, (Kathleen.....sorry I can't even remember the rest of their names at Connexion and Ruggeds. Yes, I know you read my blog every so often). She is among the many personal encounters I had, which I feel have made an impact on my life.

The best part is that, God answered her prayer because of her faithfulness to Him. It was like a dream come true for me when I heard that. I was just too happy for any words that could describe it.

Madeline was a role model for me, because she really lived the example. I was there every step of the way, when she showed her total devotion to God. She refused to budge even when the person right in front of her eyes was totally pleading with her.

Every time in the past year that I have felt like faltering, I always remembered Madeline.
I love God more than I could love anyone.

I could not go out with someone whom God has not approved for me. I could no longer do anything that would displease God.

And each time I felt something, I would ask God, Is this person the right one for me? If this is not the right person for me, please take these feelings away from me.

Sometimes I am not sure, and I let myself go. That does not stop me from having actual feelings for a person that God does not approve. However, I have learnt enough from that experience to not want to go through that anymore.

Debbie from Kids Church had this message for me last week, saying "Put God First". She felt that it is a personal message from God to me, and I really think so too as well.

I am thankful to have friends like Alan, who though he is not of the same faith as me, I feel that God has placed him in the right spot. He has really helped me see things from a better perspective, and remind me of my interests and goals as well, and that I should go for it whatever the costs. Ditto to you too, Alan!

Going for meetings, praying for one another, and serving God is indeed a service to His Ministry. As much as I would like to say it, but I would only go if my heart is in the right place. I see all these people, yet, there are many time I have asked myself, is their heart really in the right place?

Time and again, there have been many times since I arrived in Toowoomba, that I wanted to do something which would go against His Words. Yet, He would always find that in that nick of time, a verse that will appear out of nowhere to me, that would pierce through my heart, and remind me of His Faithfulness to me.

There have been so many times that I have wanted to be unfaithful to this God who has been nothing less than faithful. Although I keep worrying about the most minute details, but He keeps everything in time. Providing me the wisdom which has kept my feet and heart intact.

I have kept my heart reserved this time. He has helped me keep my heart intact this time.

Waiting for His very words to speak to me.
I pray that God will continue walking with me Hand in Hand as He leads me in the right direction. I pray that God will continue to give me strength to keep me pure and clean in His Sight.

My heart cries because He has really kept me intact throughout the journey this time.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

hi beautiful its ben from C.A
who is this person that you've fallen for and how dare they not fall for you... (put God first )..... i know for a fact that god wants what you want. for you to be happy. if you have any chance to be with somebody that you have feelings for especially being so far away from home. i think you should take a chance .....( Regret is so much harder to live with than rejection) trust your heart, take a chance ... live life.........
goodbye beautiful

cheayee said...

I really wonder what it is in my entries...that people don't seem to understand at all?

I know that GOd wants me to have what I want.

The question is, does what I want pleases God?

I would not say I would regret it. It is a choice I made with my eyes opened wide.

Anonymous said...

my apologies,
i dont mean to be simple, i guess i cant help that.

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