After weeks of pondering, today I finally put aside my fears and did two things which I had not been able to do.
I had missed my period in March, and in April, and there were some days I was feeling bloated. When Annie from my meetup group called me today to have a coffee, I decided to meet her. Then I finally plucked my courage, and went to the chemist at Wyndham Village to buy a pregnancy test.
It was one of those Dip and Test urine paper ones (Not that I have ever used one in my life..)
For a couple of weeks, I thought I might have been pregnant, and yes, I slept with HT.
I had used protection. I am not proud of it. I have repented of it to the Holy Spirit. But we still need to bear the consequences of our choices....
Yet, even as of last Saturday I already knew I was not pregnant in any way possible. It was not through a dream, or a blood test. Rather, when I woke that morning, I felt in my spirit a peace, and an audible impression that told me that I was not pregnant.
However, again I felt condemnation pressing against me last night when a friend invited me to go to a healing prayer meet. To put my mind to ease, I decided that the best way to overcome this was to overcome my own fears.
Second, after weeks of deactivating my profile on a dating website, I decided today to reactivate it.
I went online, and the first I checked was HT's account. Lo, and behold, it turned out that he had logged on about one week ago... am I surprised?
At least I know he had logged on. HT had told me on the last day we communicated in February this year that he would not call me till he had "settled his shit". Fair enough.
Well, these are my two acts of courage that I can finally move on with my life.