Journal: Mother & The Golden Child

Date: 30/07/25 (00:00) 

Monday was another emotionally frustrating day for me...dealing with my mother and brother is emotionally tiring when neither one wants to be emotionally responsible for their own emotional growth 

I wasn't supposed to be journalling this week, but listening to Fix You absolutely broke me into tears the entire time I was driving home. It took me ages before the tears would stop. 

My grief of having to still manage my boundaries at this age, a mother who collapses into victimhood when she doesn't get her way, weaponizes guilt tripping instead of supporting me emotionally.

And a brother who is entitled, manipulative, and lacks empathy as the eldest in the family, and emotionally immature. 

For the many years that I have been emotionally abandoned as a child, never feeling truly safe to be vulnerable, because I've been trying to fix them for so long, but it just eats into me emotionally.

The frustration of not having your boundaries respected, where your feelings were dismissed, minimized and punished and to swallow my own pain.