It was a wonderful time that I had spent at a ladies bible study group on Monday evening.
I have only attended it three times in the last two weeks; and I have found it really refreshing to my spirit to find like minded people to study the word of God together.
The ladies are all gwai loh (Cantonese for caucasian/white people) because these people are as "white as a ghost" for lack of a better term. 😅😅😅 Essentially, I was the only yellow peril lady there.. 😅😅😅😅
Did I feel out of place? Not really actually. To me, I have been wanting to find a space to study the word of God ever since I left Sydney, and it has taken me over a year to do so. I guess the past one year was just acclimatizing and adapting to Melbourne's weather's, laws, and practices.
It may just be a different governing state from NSW, but it might as well be a different country altogether the weather here is so much different. Even sunset is one hour later in Victoria, considering that they both run on the same time.
I used to exaggerate the idea that because I was still unmarried and had no children, I would have difficulty communicating with women who were married with children, asian or caucasian. However, the last few married ladies' meetings I attended, I somehow forgot their marital status, as well as the fact that some of them had even had grown up children.
In my younger years, when I met a man, I would always judge him by the typical superficial young adult asian yardstick- whether he had a good car, a good job, how much he could pay for my meals, how big his house he has, and the sizes of his investments.
As I grew older, and socialised with people of all kinds of strata, and backgrounds, I realised that women who rushed into marriage without prayerfully considering it had to go against many difficulties, issues, and some have filed for divorce, fighting child custody cases.
As my eyes opened to the Word of God, and as the Lord has allowed me to see, I have learnt not to put my identity in what the world calls important. Does failing in our ability to secure a job, or even a relationship define who we are as a person as a human? Not in the eyes of God.
Should we marry the first person who proposed to us, with the idea that "if we do not, no one else will"? That is a lie of the Devil.
Sad as it is, that really happened to a good friend of mine. At the age of 36, she married a man (12 years her junior) within three months of meeting him. She had her own self esteem and identity wrapped around this warped lie of herself.
Unfortunately neither her nor her husband were ready for the realities of married life, its roles and responsibilities, issues nor commitment.
She did not know how to cook nor showed any interest to, nor did she know of any ways to please her husband, and basically disliked intimate advances. (and you wonder why she decided to get married?). He did not know how to make her happy, nor contributed to the household finances, nor helped around with the household responsibilities.
She is now filing for divorce. Fortunately for her, she won the custody for her daughter.
When the Holy Spirit recently prompted me to intercede for an unsaved friend of mine, HT, I was wondering was the Lord trying prepare me for something bigger when I do get married? Indeed, perhaps He was trying to teach me to be a more prayerful person, to intercede and pray for the lost.
The reality is that once the hype, and passion of wedded life has passed, the realities of life will come. There will be many times when we may have disagreements with our spouse, and there will be many times the facts of life will be staring at us in the face like accidents, illnesses, bills and etc. During these times, we will feel like we don't "love" our spouses.
But love is not a feeling. Rather, it is a noun and adjective (is my grammar correct here? LOL) demonstrated through a verb. It is an emotion and feeling demonstrated through action. Commitment is the verb.
In order to have God centred marriage, with Christ in the middle, as wives we have the role and responsibility to pray for the needs and the protection of our husbands, our children and our families. We want a marriage that will persevere, and stand the test of time.
I was reading this today, and pondering over some of the principles the pastor was sharing. To know God's will for our lives, we need to be unswerving in our commitment to God and his purposes.
Jesus teaches us in Matthew 6:33 to "Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you".
For the longest time, I had never really understood what this verse means. But considering that it was spoken by Christ himself, there is an added emphasis and weight to it.
It really means as in the matter of seeking a life partner, that we are to first prayerfully seek his counsel. To walk in obedience, using practical common sense and wisdom, seeking the counsel of our parents, and seek the counsel of the Holy Spirit to lead us as we put our issues to Him.
Why am I writing this?
It is because I am struggling with some things the Holy Spirit has led me to do. I don't understand what is happening, and I have no idea what will happen or is even happening.
I can only trust in the Lord's heart and character that He is working out something better for me, which I can now only see through a glass, dimly.
I know he doesn't really need my life to be working out perfectly for my life to be used, but even as I struggle with the issues of my family day care business, and my relationships, it is my faith and trust in Christ that is pulling me through this situation.
I know I am not a failure, and there is no cause to give up, as I know He is working out all things together for my good, for my love for Christ, and I who has been called to His purpose. (Romans 8:28).