Recently I've been listening to this audio book by Joyce Meyer entitled Approval Addiction.
I downloaded it on audiobooks.com as they had a free first month promotion, however it seems that in order to purchase the credits, the transaction has to go through on North American shores. Whatever that means. So that's probably a no-go.
It has been very encouraging being able to watch Joyce Meyer both streaming on Youtube, as well as through her audiobook. I actually heed her preaching better due to her gift of being able to speak forcefully.
After listening to the spoken word, and to her preaching, I realised that today was the first of many tests that I will be put to test. This is what I gleaned from her preaching based on my understanding of what she has written in her book, Approval Addiction.
My self esteem and value as a person is not based on my ability to get a job, sustain a relationship, my marital or economic status, by how much I am able to earn, or on what others may say. Doing that is screwing myself.
Rather, I base my value and self esteem not on my own emotions but on the knowledge that I am a child of God, a human who has been created and given breath and on the knowledge that I have been fearfully and wonderfully made in my mother's womb, and the knowledge that Christ has died for me and loves me very much.
Indeed, in all practicality, its easier to write this out as a statement than to live it. Facing your own demons, I now have to fight my own emotions which is fighting against my understanding and standing on the truth and the word of God that I am indeed truly loved by God.
The first of many tests that I will be put to fight. and it hurts.
Raw emotions hurt like crazy, stinging your head and your mind. It takes every strength and willpower that you have in order to not feel the pain that feels like your stomach is gutted, and have just been shot with a bullet through your heart.
When your mind is trying to make sense of what is going on around you, and you have to keep declaring to yourself the truth of what you know, the pain slowly ebbs away, and you slowly return to a sense of calm.
Is this how it feels to face your demons and dig deep into your soul on the road to healing?
Is the road to healing fraught with raw pain?
But it is indeed better to deal with the pain of your past, and your own self image than to let it fester and grow into a massive wound.
Hebrews 4:16: Let us then approach God's throne of grace with confidence , so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.